Wednesday, March 01, 2006

'enry 'ardy 'ibbs, Formerly of London Taaaaan. Do I hear £100?

My Biznit is the Shiznit.

Sounds like a good escape ploy, you could even get that TV program on Pig training to make a pilot for it. I bet it would go down a storm!!

"Round eye White Giant drives herd of swine through school!!!!!!!!!!!!! Faffing teachers run in horror!!!!! Schoolgirls giggle behind their hands!!!!!!"

Sounds like it has all the makings of a true classic.
Speaking of which, I was reading your blog on TV the other day and happened along the review of the Attack dog show. I read it out to a room of inebirated comrades to great delight and much merrie quaffing. I like the originality of some of the shows, and the fact that it would be a cold day in hell before TV over here (with the exclusion of latenight channel four, remaining a stalwart of fine viewing to this day) ever considered attacking a cocker spaniel dressed as a giant ice-cream cone. We still have wall-to-wall 80's sitcom reruns, reality shows which range from people wiping their arse to people cutting up bits of twig, wildlife reruns on sunday and the never ending diarrohea that is American import television. Christ it never stops!!! It's all the friggin' same!!
I watched Shameless for the first time last night and was more than a little impressed. If you haven't seen it then it's a Manchester comedy in the ilk of "Bread" but a lot funnier and a lot darker in places. Characters are very strong right from the phoenix nights-alike club owner to the windowcleaner with chronic tourettes syndrome.

Meanwhile, we now have 24-hour a day quiz TV, which really has to be seen to be believed. A perky 20-something bimbette stands in a studio that looks like one of the music practice rooms next to the lines hall, with a square of cardboard behind them with family fortune style hidden words on them BODY_____ for example, Although now i think about it it's more Blankety Blank. I should so revive that quiz! Various dimwitted chumps phone in and guess what the missing word is and then invariably guess incorrectly. It's infuriating to watch because it's obviously done to milk the money of stupid people and you can watch it live on TV, the a constant soundtrack of people cheering and alarms wailing and sirens wailing and annoying laughter that manages to loop every six seconds. It's Hell on television, and it's here now!

So that aside, we've had freak snow outbursts of ooooh....3mm over the last few days and of course the country has ground to a halt. Traffic clogs the roads like blood in a furry artery, old women skid on frozen pavements and bruise their finger. Some urchin hurls a snowball and it makes front page news as "Yob in lethal snow attack!!!!" Honestly, you really would not believe how little fun this place is getting! I built a snowman by the side of the road the other day and someone came and asked me what I was doing. When I told him of my nefarious plan to build an impressive, if somewhat stunted snowman by the side of the road, winking at the jammed traffic he sucked at his teeth and said..ooooooo I haven't built a snowman in ages. I don't like the cold, y'see. I was going to point out to him that A.) wearing gloves reduces the cold and b.) snow is generally known to be cold, but decided the best course of action was just to nod and grin until he went away.

As should I as I'm well into work time, this lunchtime, sometime dragging on although the time just slips away. Where does it go? Timehouse maybe, but tomorrow probably is definitely just another day.


By the way, if you reply a little quicker in future we'll get to two hundred in no time at all!!



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